yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
