I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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