the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize