When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
