Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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