Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
