i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
