break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
