yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
