I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize