Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
