these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
