What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
