I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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