it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
