i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize