Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
