So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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