oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
