I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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