no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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