Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
