its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize