I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
