Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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