I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
