i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
