a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize