he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
