What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize