How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
