The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
