DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
