420 ftw
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
