I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
