How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
