So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
