wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
