if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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