Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
