I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
