It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
