you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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