A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
