im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and she was petting her beer can
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
