They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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