Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
