I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
