he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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