Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
