Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
