You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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