Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
