just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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