come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
