U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
