He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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