we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
