I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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