She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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