When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
