I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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