last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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