The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
