Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
