you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
