So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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