nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
