The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
