is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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