my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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