You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
