She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
