I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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