i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
